Jesurgislac’s Journal

October 1, 2008

Palin and the McCain: are you pondering what I’m pondering?

Pinky & The Brain = Palin & McCain

Pinky & The Brain = Palin & McCain by Val Web

(This post could not have been created without Richard Watanabe’s fabulously wonderful Complete List.)

“Egad. You astound me, John.”
-“That’s a simple task, Sarah.”

“Are there any questions?”
-“Oh, Oh, pick me, John.”
“President McCain!”
-“Yes, um, what is the password?
“I can’t tell you. If you were to be a PRISONER OF WAR you might give it away.”
-“What, me? Never, no, Narf, never.”
“And if you were tortured?”
-“Oh, well that’s different then, isn’t it?”

“She’s a partner and a soul-mate.”
– “Uh, thank you John, but this time, you wear the tutu.”

“Sarah, opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation.”
– “Well, I think so, John, but *snort* no, no, it’s too stupid!”
“The next president of the United States should sign an executive order requiring the Census Bureau to cease and desist from describing any American – even illegal aliens – as uninsured.”
– “Narf. That was it exactly.”

“Sarah, if we lost, then who wins? Did Al Qaeda win? When on the floor of the House of Representatives they cheer – they cheer – when they pass a withdrawal motion that is a certain date for surrender, what were they cheering? Surrender? Defeat?”
– “I think so, John, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?”

“Well, then why was there a banner that said ‘mission accomplished’ on the aircraft carrier? … the conflict – the major conflict is over, the regime change has been accomplished.”
– “I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?”
“I don’t know if you could ever say, quote ‘mission accomplished,’ as much as you could say ‘Americans are out of harm’s way.”
-“Wuh, I think so, John, but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.”

“Tomorrow morning, I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington. I have spoken to Sen. Obama and informed him of my decision and have asked him to join me. We must meet as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans, and we must meet until this crisis is resolved. I am directing my campaign to work with the Obama campaign and the Commission on Presidential Debates to delay Friday night’s debate until we have taken action to address this crisis.”
-“Uh… yeah, John, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?”

“Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?'”
-“I think so, John, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp.”

“The entire world will beg to bow before me, their charismatic despot.”
-“As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?”

“I also know, if I might remind you, that she is commander of the Alaska National Guard. In fact, you may know that on Sept. 11 a large contingent of the Alaska Guard deployed to Iraq and her son happened to be one of them. So I think she understands our national security challenges.”
-“Well, I think so, John, but ‘apply North Pole’ to what?”

“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That’s what we have to make sure that we’re praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God’s plan.”
-“Now throw the switch and let us begin the battle for the planet. ”

“I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself. I don’t expect to be a great communicator, I don’t expect to set up my own blog, but I am becoming computer literate to the point where I can get the information that I need.”
-“I think so, John, but ‘Cindy for Windows’?”

“Tomorrow night, Sarah, we will come up with a new plan. One that isn’t foiled by the atomic weight of gold.”
– “I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.”

“I will veto every single beer, um, bill with earmarks.”
-“I think so, John, but we’re already naked.”

“We should be able to deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies.”
-“We eat the box?”

“I am fully prepared to be commander in chief… I don’t need on-the-job training.”
– “I think so, John *NARF*, but don’t camels spit a lot?”

“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.”
-“Do you practice being dim or is it a natural talent?”

“Huge amounts of charisma, swagger, cowboy boots, flight jacket, wonderful smile, just charisma — you know, wow!”
– “I think so, Karl, and um, John, but how can we get seven dwarves to shave their legs?”

“The first pork-barrel bill that crosses my desk, I’m going to veto it and make the authors of those pork-barrel items famous all over America.”
-“Wuh, I think so, John, but I prefer Space Jelly.”

“I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn’t a foreign country, where it’s kind of suggested, “Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?” Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.”
-“Enough. If this is what passes for conduct becoming of world leaders, I don’t want any part of it.”

“The problem… is that most members of Congress don’t pay attention to what’s going on.”
-“I think so, John, but if it was only supposed to be a three hour tour, why did the Keatings bring all their money?”

“Gee, John. What are we going to do tonight?”
– “The same thing we do every night, Sarah. Try to take over the world.”

( )

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3 Comments »

  1. After watching Palin’s interviews with Katie Couric, “narf” and “poit” were just about all we were short of, and probably would have worked wonders to tie her answers together.

    It’s been a deeply stupid election year. And that’s sayin’ something.

    Comment by damnedyankee — October 3, 2008 @ 6:48 pm | Reply

  2. Really, I think replacing Palin’s lines with Pinky’s can only make every interview or debate she’s concerned in more sensible.

    Comment by jesurgislac — October 4, 2008 @ 11:35 pm | Reply

  3. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

    Comment by sandraraven — June 30, 2009 @ 6:30 pm | Reply


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